Dichotomies

A: On the one hand, you despise anthropomorphism and heap scorn upon the masses who believe monkeys to be the sine qua non of creation.

B: That’s right.

A: And you hold most of religion to be fairy tales foisted upon the gullible to placate the ignorant and succor the fearful and to keep charlatans in positions of power.

B: Succinctly put.

A: And you believe what most call God to be a projection of the human psyche, a defense mechanism against an indifferent and callous universe.

B: On the one hand.

A: And on the other, you believe God to be a metaphor, a way to express —

B: or reify —

A: Our most noble impulses. You use the term “God” as a Buddhist uses a finger pointing at the moon.

B: I’m no Zen master.

A: Yet God is your koan.

B: Again, well put. I grant all of your observations and summations.

A: You are generous.

B: And you are kind.

A: But how can you square the circle? How can you hold, on the one hand, religion to be bogus and God as projection and defense mechanism —

B: In the one hand —

A: And in the other God as metaphor and ineffable expression of all that is noble and good within us?

B: Do I contradict myself?

A: You drape yourself in dichotomies.

B: I am huge. I contain multitudes.

A: And you employ literary references as some wear armor.

B: The pen is mightier than the sword.

A: And your tongue sharper than any blade.

B: Touché.

To the creator, all things come

A: You have no control over what you started.

B: None at all.

A: Do you know what that means?

B: It means that I am a creator.

Who’s Your Daddy?

A: Don’t you believe in democracy? Would you rather live in a totalitarian country?

B: I would rather live in a country whose citizens are capable of intelligent discourse. But I don’t believe any such country exists.

A: Perhaps. But haven’t you heard the quote that democracy might not be the best government, but it is better than any of the alternatives?

B: Winston Churchill. I believe the exact quote is “Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried.”

A: Thank you. Exactly. Democracy has flaws, of course. But it is the best that we have.

B: I prefer to look at politics in cynical and reductionist terms.

A: Why am I not surprised?

B: Because you know me too well. Bear with me a moment. Humans are primates. Primates are social hierarchical animals. Animals in social hierarchies usually defer to other animals in positions of power and influence. The most obvious example of this is the family. Children, who are young and ignorant and helpless, have no choice but to defer to their parents, who are the most powerful and influential beings in their lives.

A: Did your mother love you?

B: Cheap shot.

A: I take what I can get.

B: Get this: the president of the United States is often referred to as the most powerful man alive. Being the most powerful man alive, he exists at the pinnacle of a social hierarchy, and he has people — Secret Service agents — who are sworn to sacrifice their lives, if called upon to do so, in order to save his.

A: Power has its privileges.

B: Indeed it does. And we, as citizens, are also called upon to heed his words and to support him and the decisions that he makes.

A: We don’t have to support the decisions that he makes: we can disagree with him.

B: But beyond that, we can do nothing.

A: We can vote him out of office.

B: And so the cycle begins again. Let me put it in stark terms: in America, every four years, we are given the freedom to choose the alpha male. And after we make our choice the only thing we can do is watch what he does.

A: You make it sound like we are just passive participants in the political process.

B: Prove to me that we aren’t.

A: But don’t you hope for a change?

B: Hope is not an action and change is but a buzzword. And hoping for a thing does not make it so.

A: I hope that one day you can be happy.

B: So do I. But at times I do not believe it is possible for self-conscious primates to be happy. Maybe that’s why we created religion.

A: Which often takes the form of a political hierarchy.

B: Such as the Catholic Church.

A: Right. And the Pope?

B: The father of the church.

On Hunger

A: Were you raised by wolves? Where is your sense of human decency, your sense of compassion?

B: I suckled compassionately at my mother’s breast.

A: Only because you had yet to develop teeth.

B: Ouch.

A: I hope you feel the sting that I begin to feel as I watch your nihilism — which you used to wear only as a mask or cloak — seem to seep into your skin and into your blood and to taint all of your observations with hopelessness and bitter grief.

B: I didn’t design the universe. I merely comment on its manifestations.

A: Cowardice.

B: Is it cowardly to state the truth?

A: No it is not. But it is cowardly to throw up your hands and to say “It’s no use. Abandon hope. The future is preordained and we’re all doomed.”

B: But we are all doomed, when, in a few billion years the sun begins to expand . . .

A: Yes, yes, yes. Death is inevitable. But how you choose to spend your time while alive is not.

B: I disagree. I spend my life securing food and shelter, and seeking someone to embrace at night.

A: Now you sound less like a nihilist and more like a human being.

B: I’ve never claimed to be more than a human being. Or more than an animal. You claim that I can live my life doing whatever I want —

A: That’s not what I said.

B: Or, more accurately, that I can engage in activities of my own choosing.

A: More or less. What I actually meant is that you can choose your attitude. That you can live with a sense of hope or with a sense of despair.

B: But I cannot live without a sense of hunger.

A: Bite me.

B: Is that a figure of speech?

A: Are you into cannibalism?

B: I don’t know. Pass the salt.

Conundrum

Socrates: Why does the cosmos exist?

Jesus: Because God loves America.

Cynicism in C Minor

A: Your cynicism begins to border on nihilism.

B: I’ve been reading Nietzsche.

A: Maybe you should read something more upbeat, more positive.

B: But I enjoy dancing with shadows.

A: Is there no room for hope in your philosophy?

B: There is more in heaven and earth. . .

A: Yes, yes. Than is dreamt of in your philosophy.

B: My philosophy is pessimistic, true. I often feel hope is the denial of reality.

A: Reality is a matter of perception: the world is what you make of it.

B: Relativistic clap-trap. My attitude toward my perceptions cannot change the reality of what I perceive.

A: A rose by any other name?

B: In a sense. Try sniffing this: the reality of my existence, of my life, is — apparently — a mirror of reality on a grander scale.

A: In the key of C minor?

B: In a sense. Before the opening note, an eternity of silence. Then brooding melodies, turbulent harmonies, struggle and strife —

A: Your life — all life — as a dark and brooding symphony, eh?

B: Exactly! And after the closing cadence, there will be. . .

A: Applause?

B: Touché.

Cynical Lyric For Two

A: Why are you so negative?

B: Because I’m a cynic.

A: Why are you so cynical?

B: Cynicism protects me from false beliefs and delusions.

A: You seem to live in a constant state of defense and distrust.

B: Seems, madam! nay it is; I know not ’seems.’

A: Oh, no. Not the melancholy Dane!

B: ‘Tis not alone my inky cloak, good mother, Nor customary suits of solemn black,

A: Your favorite color. . .

B: Nor windy suspiration of forced breath,

A: Your favorite gesture. . .

B: No, nor the fruitful river in the eye. . .

A: Stop! Hence loathed melancholy!

B: Hence, vain deluding joys!

A: I can’t get enough of you.

B: I know.

Formal Systems 2

A: What formal system would you like to discuss?

B: Let’s take the system of binary logic.

A: T slash F.

B: Exactly.

A: But what is true? What is false?

B: True and false are two values we apply to statements.

A: Some statements, not all.

B: Correct. Like any formal system, binary logic limits the types of statements that are applicable. Logic works with statements, or propositions, that are factual.

A: But why the limitation?

B: Because formal systems restrict, or bind, the domains they analyze.

A: Ahh. There’s your bondage theme again.

B: You’re the one who said I fetishize formal systems.

A: I was being metaphorical.

Formal Systems 1

A: Why do you have a fetish for formal systems?

B: Because I love bondage.

A: Sometimes, you scare me.

B: I know. Let me explain.

A: What? Your S&M fetish?

B: No. Bondage.

A: What? You want to tie me down?

B: No! I want to bind you in a formal system.

A: You want to marry me?

B: Not that formal system! Although consent has something to do with the formal system I have in mind.

A: I’m not sure I like where this is going.

B: Relax. I promise I won’t hurt you.

A: What if I formally request it?

B: You always want the last word, don’t you?

A: Guilty as charged. What’s my punishment?

B: It depends on your penal code.

On Optimism

A: Do you honestly believe that our species will ever be free of its barbarism, violence, and cruelty?

B: Sometimes, when I’m feeling pessimistic, I do not.

A: Yet you counsel patience. You believe that, with time, our species will learn how to coexist with its environment and with itself. Aren’t you being a bit naïve?

B: I don’t think, necessarily, that naïve is the right word. You must remember that our species has only been around for 200,000 years. We are young, and learning, and — hopefully — growing.

A: Yes, I agree that we are learning. But the forces of ignorance are strong. And our tribalism, which takes the face of nationalism today, is an inherent aspect of hominid species. Tribes work for their own interests, usually at the expense of other tribes. This is not in doubt. This is a fact.

B: Yes, this is a fact.

A: And do you honestly believe that we will be able to overcome our tribalism and be able to view ourselves as something other then either American or European or Chinese or Arab or Muslim or Christian or Buddhist or —

B: Yes, please, stop I see your point.

A: Then you also see that the the differences that tribalism engenders — and the conflicts that arise from those differences — are perhaps written into our genetic code. And, as such, are ineliminable.

B: Pandora kept hope in the box.

A: Hmm. Interesting. I never thought that you were a closeted optimist.