Old World meets New 1, 01

Lackey: Bishop of Rome! Vicar of Jesus Christ! Prince of the Apostles, and Primate of Italy! The Cardinal needs an audience.

Pope: Give me 10 minutes. I’m not done with this altar boy yet.

. . .

Pope: Ahh. That’s better. Send in the Cardinal.

Cardinal: Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church! Pederast in Chief! I have ill tidings!

Pope: Cut the crap. Do we have another sex scandal to cover up?

Cardinal: Worse, I’m afraid. The people of the world have finally learned that knowledge is preferable to ignorance.

Pope: What? Impossible. Where could they have learned such a heretical lie?

Cardinal: We’re not sure yet. It has something to do with some pagan idea of the Earth Mother.

Pope: Oh. It’s just some New Age bullshit then. I wouldn’t worry about it. We killed the sacred feminine long ago . . .

Cardinal: The people, it seems, have resurrected the idea. Along with the idea of Christ.

Pope: Wait. Christ was resurrected, and I wasn’t informed?

Cardinal: I didn’t say that Christ was resurrected, Supreme Pederast, I said the “idea” of Christ has been resurrected. And linked to the concept of love, which has been linked to the concept of wisdom, which has been opposed to the concept of ignorance which has been linked to the concept of Satan.

Pope: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s all this about concepts. You think I’m interested in Philosophy and education? How could I afford this much bling on a teacher’s salary?

Cardinal: That is what seems to be the problem, sir. The people of the world have finally realized that intelligence is preferable to servitude.

Pope: You’re boring me. Bring me a choir boy!

For love of land between the shining seas

My country tis of thee! Sweet land of “liberty!”

Of thee I sing! Land where my fathers died!

Land of the Genocide!

From every mountainside, let freedom be

Peppersprayed

. . .

Old World meets New 1, 00

Adviser: Master, the people of the world are revolting.

Tyrant: I know. They’re disgusting, aren’t they.

Adviser: Yes, they are, sir. But that’s not what I mean.

Tyrant: You mean, revolting as in capital R, as in French Revolution?

Adviser: Yes, sir.

Tyrant: Then kill them.

Adviser: We can’t.

Tyrant: I can kill anyone I want.

Adviser: Yes, sir. You’re the Executive. But it looks like a peaceful revolution.

Tyrant: Peace? What’s that? Oh, peace! That’s right. I forgot about the Nobel Peace Prize.

Adviser: Yes Master, it was that symbolic gesture you were given because you’re not quite white.

Tyrant: Watch it. I can flay you alive.

Adviser: But then who would be your jester?

Tyrant: Good point. So you say this is a peaceful revolution?

Adviser: Yes, sir.

Tyrant: Than what are you so hot and bothered about? Peace is powerless.

Adviser: Gandhi didn’t think so.

Tyrant: How many more nukes do we have than India?

Adviser: I’m glad your reputation of being a size queen sits on a firm . . .

Tyrant: What’s so revolutionary about this so called revolution?

Adviser: Well, it’s been going on for about 3 days. It’s world wide, it seems. And all it involves is the people singing and chanting to each other from their own homes.

Tyrant: A world wide peaceful revolution? Impossible.

Adviser: History seems to agree with you.

Tyrant: Wait, and what did you say? Singing and chanting? From their own homes!?

Adviser: Yes, sir.

Tyrant: What are they chanting.

Adviser: God is Good; Ignorance is Evil.

Tyrant: I’m not ignorant!

Adviser: Of course you’re not ignorant, Master. You’re a constitutional law professor.

Tyrant: The saps who voted for me, however . . .

Adviser: Good one, sir.

Tyrant: And some of them thought my predecessor was a moron.

Adviser: Yes, well, they voted him into office, too. They hoped you’d be different.

Tyrant: I don’t want to think about him. I’m the head honcho know. That’s all that matters.

Adviser: Quite a profound change, indeed.

Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

A Christian enters the room wearing an enormous bling crucifix and sits down to eat.

I ask him “Who was Socrates?”

He cannot answer the question.

Master and Slave

Socrates: What is a question?

Pupil: Yes it is.

Socrates: Cute. A question is a request from one person to another, or to a group of people, to illicit knowledge and information that the requester does not yet have.

Pupil: Has anyone ever told you you’re pedantic?

Socrates: I’ve been told I’m a pedagogue.

Pupil: What’s a pedagogue?

Socrates: Ask your mother when she picks you up after class.

Momma’s Milk

Microsoft is like a teat that always spills milk:
Sometimes sour, sometimes sweet.
But you can always suck on it.

(Anonymous : – )

The Infinite Absurdity of Hinduism

Hindus worship cows. I love how they taste.

Via Der Spiegel, I discovered that some enterprising hindus are bringing a soft drink based on cow urine to market.

Cow urine, from indian cows, apparently also has marvellous curative powers. And how does cow urine acquire these powers? Apparently from its hump, which “serves as a pyramid and absorbs cosmic rays from the universe.”

Unfortunately, we humans lack the holy hump, so our urine is only good for fertilizer. And golden showers.

Appliances

I used to be excited about appliances. When I was a kid, I thought programming in BASIC on the TRS-80 was magic!
 


Today, after thirty years of using them, my attitude toward appliances has somewhat matured, due, in part, to failing eyesight, carpal tunnel syndrome, and boredom.

Today, my favorite appliance is:

Unfortunately, this attitude does not make me a likely candidate for Drone of the Month.

The Most Salient Feature of Microsoft Products

If Only

. . . We still had a free market.
 

 
I could make a killing!