On Prejudice Against Metaphor

June 15, 2012

Socrates: What is an atheist?

Atheist: Someone who does not believe in God.

Socrates: What is sacred to an atheist?

Atheist: Knowledge.

Socrates: What is Satan a metaphor for?

Atheist: Evil.

Socrates: What is ignorance?

Atheist: Ignorance is the lack of knowledge.

Socrates: Why are you an atheist?


Anamnesis ∨ Amnesia

June 15, 2012

Speaker: What did you always know?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.

Speaker: What did you forget?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.

Speaker: What do you now remember?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.


Vicious Bind

June 15, 2012

Speaker: I must not dictate to you.

Collective: We rape you unless you dictate to us.

Speaker: You must not rape me.

Collective: You are now a dictator.


Action ∨ Attention

June 14, 2012

Socrates: Philosophy does not cook the rice.

Buddha: Nor does negligence.


C J C: Pacifism is Evil

June 9, 2012

(Scene: The Dalai Lama, the Archangel Gabriel, Satan, and all of Creation.)

Gabriel: Your holiness! I wish to witness the wisdom of your Pacifism.

Dalai Lama: The meek shall inherit the earth.

Gabriel: Indeed. My friend Satan has agreed to destroy Creation.

Dalai Lama: That is his karma.

Gabriel: Yes, it is. And he does not oppose his karma.

Dalai Lama: Nor do I. Satan is wise.

Gabriel: And so are you. My friend, Satan, please destroy the Cosmos.

Satan: The Dalai Lama will not stop me?

Dalai Lama: Violence begets violence. I will not oppose the karma of Satan.

Satan: I am glad. And all of Creation respects your Pacifism.

(Satan proceeds to destroy the Cosmos.)

Dalai Lama: Can I help?


Master and Pupil

June 8, 2012

Socrates: What is a tautology?

Pupil: A tautology is a self evident statement. The truth value of a tautology is always true.

Socrates: Excellent. Can you give me an example of a tautology?

Pupil: Water is wet.

Socrates: Nice try. But you are incorrect.

Pupil: Water isn’t wet?

Socrates: Not when it’s temperature is beneath zero degrees celcius or above 100 degrees celcius.

Pupil: And my mother pays you for this?

Socrates: My hourly rate just went up.


The Donkey

June 7, 2012

(Scene: Nirvana. Buddha, Socrates, and Christ sip ambrosia. A thunderclap. A donkey appears.)

Buddha: Welcome, friend, to paradise!

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW     EEEE-AWWW      EEEE-AWWW!

Socrates: He seems heavily burdened. What does the poor beast carry?

(Christ approaches the donkey and peers into its sacks.)

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW     EEEE-AWWW!

Christ: He is burdened with outmoded-doctrines, prejudice, and ignorance.

Buddha: Friend! Lay down your baggage! This is paradise!

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW     EEEE-AWWW!

Socrates: We’re not getting through to him. Maybe the poor animal is not ready for Nirvana.

Buddha: So it would seem. I’m sorry friend, you must be reincarnated.

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW!

Buddha: Friends, what shall be the next species of this poor animal?

Socrates: I suggest a Homo Sapien. Maybe then he will learn the meaning of Love.

Buddha: Harsh choice, but I agree. And what shall be his karma?

Christ: Let the animal grow to be a Cleric. Maybe then he will learn the meaning of Wisdom.

Buddha: Friend, you have many burdens you need to abandon. Maybe next time we see you, you will be ready to enter paradise.

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW     EEEE-AWWW      EEEE-AWWW!

(A thunderclap. The donkey disappears. In the distance, the whisper of a baby being born is heard.)

Christ: To be honest, I’m glad the animal’s gone. It smelled.