On Prejudice Against Metaphor

June 15, 2012

Socrates: What is an atheist?

Atheist: Someone who does not believe in God.

Socrates: What is sacred to an atheist?

Atheist: Knowledge.

Socrates: What is Satan a metaphor for?

Atheist: Evil.

Socrates: What is ignorance?

Atheist: Ignorance is the lack of knowledge.

Socrates: Why are you an atheist?


Anamnesis ∨ Amnesia

June 15, 2012

Speaker: What did you always know?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.

Speaker: What did you forget?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.

Speaker: What do you now remember?

Collective: That water is life, milk is food, and warmth is love.

Vicious Bind

June 15, 2012

Speaker: I must not dictate to you.

Collective: We rape you unless you dictate to us.

Speaker: You must not rape me.

Collective: You are now a dictator.

Action ∨ Attention

June 14, 2012

Socrates: Philosophy does not cook the rice.

Buddha: Nor does negligence.

C J C: Pacifism is Evil

June 9, 2012

(Scene: The Dalai Lama, the Archangel Gabriel, Satan, and all of Creation.)

Gabriel: Your holiness! I wish to witness the wisdom of your Pacifism.

Dalai Lama: The meek shall inherit the earth.

Gabriel: Indeed. My friend Satan has agreed to destroy Creation.

Dalai Lama: That is his karma.

Gabriel: Yes, it is. And he does not oppose his karma.

Dalai Lama: Nor do I. Satan is wise.

Gabriel: And so are you. My friend, Satan, please destroy the Cosmos.

Satan: The Dalai Lama will not stop me?

Dalai Lama: Violence begets violence. I will not oppose the karma of Satan.

Satan: I am glad. And all of Creation respects your Pacifism.

(Satan proceeds to destroy the Cosmos.)

Dalai Lama: Can I help?

Master and Pupil

June 8, 2012

Socrates: What is a tautology?

Pupil: A tautology is a self evident statement. The truth value of a tautology is always true.

Socrates: Excellent. Can you give me an example of a tautology?

Pupil: Water is wet.

Socrates: Nice try. But you are incorrect.

Pupil: Water isn’t wet?

Socrates: Not when it’s temperature is beneath zero degrees celcius or above 100 degrees celcius.

Pupil: And my mother pays you for this?

Socrates: My hourly rate just went up.

The Donkey

June 7, 2012

(Scene: Nirvana. Buddha, Socrates, and Christ sip ambrosia. A thunderclap. A donkey appears.)

Buddha: Welcome, friend, to paradise!


Socrates: He seems heavily burdened. What does the poor beast carry?

(Christ approaches the donkey and peers into its sacks.)


Christ: He is burdened with outmoded-doctrines, prejudice, and ignorance.

Buddha: Friend! Lay down your baggage! This is paradise!


Socrates: We’re not getting through to him. Maybe the poor animal is not ready for Nirvana.

Buddha: So it would seem. I’m sorry friend, you must be reincarnated.

Donkey: EEEE-AWWW!

Buddha: Friends, what shall be the next species of this poor animal?

Socrates: I suggest a Homo Sapien. Maybe then he will learn the meaning of Love.

Buddha: Harsh choice, but I agree. And what shall be his karma?

Christ: Let the animal grow to be a Cleric. Maybe then he will learn the meaning of Wisdom.

Buddha: Friend, you have many burdens you need to abandon. Maybe next time we see you, you will be ready to enter paradise.


(A thunderclap. The donkey disappears. In the distance, the whisper of a baby being born is heard.)

Christ: To be honest, I’m glad the animal’s gone. It smelled.